I've been thinking a lot about our future marriage, and I thought I should share some of my thoughts with you. Whenever I ponder the most significant reasons why I want to marry you, I usually end up thinking about the depth and sincerity of our love.

We've both experienced different kinds of love, some of them very disappointing. I can't help but think of those couples whose love is purely romantic, the couples that everyone thinks will one day marry and live happily ever after. They're really not in love with each other, but rather with the pleasurable experiences they enjoy together. Once the experiences grow stale, the love disappears and the relationship dissolves. Certainly, I'm grateful for your wonderful companionship, but our relationship doesn't require good times and romance to thrive. Our relationship is based on something much deeper.

Some people give love for the sole purpose of using another person. Once the used person's function is exhausted, love vanishes. We've both seen it in all kinds of relationships, from the youth who makes a younger child feel loved and important as long as he steals or lies for him to the couple whose love is sustained by physical intimacy. Certainly, I look forward to the intimacy we'll share once we're husband and wife, and I know you do as well. But physical love is not the reason I want to marry you. That would be shallow and selfish.

In our friendship, we'll try to cultivate genuine concern for each other's spiritual and physical welfare. If I didn't care about your prospect for eternal life with our Heavenly Father, myconcern for you wouldn't be worth much. I know that you're also concerned for my salvation. I know it because you don't tempt me to any kind of sin, sexual or otherwise; rather, you encourage obedience and chastity in me. I know that throughout the years of our marriage we will always strive to guide each other away from sin and ever closer to our heavenly reward.

I sometimes remember a couple who didn't concern themselves with avoiding sin. Theirs was a romantic, selfish, utilitarian love. During their courtship they were physically intimate with each other and had additional partners as well. After a couple of years of marriage, her health was threatened by a serious condition that required several months of abstinence from marital relations. He complained frequently about what he had to give up. Although it saddened me, I wasn't surprised they divorced. I know if you were sick, rather than complain, I'd be on my knees praying for your recovery and making any sacrifice that might help.

Certainly, that couple hadn't planned on all the disappointments or on divorce. But like so many, they didn't acknowledge the fact that habits established before marriage, good or bad, rarely change after marriage. Since they lacked discipline to be chaste before marriage, they were unable to sacrifice and be disciplined during their marriage.

Discipline and self-sacrifice are necessary to be obedient to God and to resist temptation. Doesn't an athlete sacrifice in hopes of winning? Won't he deny himself favorite foods and unhealthy practices to stay fit? Won't he refuse some social invitations to keep up with his job or schooling while training? He must have the discipline to sacrifice some things he enjoys if he ever expects to come home with a trophy. He must also avoid any temptations that keep him from his responsibilities.

Spouses that sacrifice for each other clearly have a deeper love for one another than those who don't. And spouses who try to live chastely before marriage because of their love for God are better able to remain faithful in marriage. Don't couples need discipline to abstain and to avoid temptation when one spouse is ill or out of town?

I'm not suggesting we should develop discipline and avoid temptation for the sole purpose of having a good marriage. We both know that God has an even higher call for us. He wants us to avoid sin to preserve our immortal souls so we can spend eternity with Him in heaven.

Living in sin makes it more difficult to hear God's call for us; we turn our backs and walk away from God. I often ponder the purity and justice of Saint Joseph. He was a prayerful man who practiced virtue, including chastity. If he were a sinful man, God would never have called Saint Joseph to rear His Son and to protect the Virgin Mary. He was so faithful to God that just hours after being roused out of a deep sleep by God's angel, he departed for Egypt with his young wife and tiny Babe without the benefit of provisions, lodging or even a road map (Matthew 2:13-15). It wasn't easy, but because of Saint Joseph's faith and obedience, the Good Lord always provided him with safety and with the means to provide for Jesus and Our Blessed Mother.

If we too are obedient and faithful to God, if we pray, obey His commandments, attend Mass and receive the Sacraments, the Good Lord will also provide us with the means to overcome together any obstacles that confront us. Through prayer, frequent Confession and Holy Communion, God will bless us with graces and fortitude to avoid temptation. We must begin now to deny ourselves those things and friendships which lead us to sin.

Be assured, that like Saint Joseph, I'll do my best to take my responsibilities as your husband very seriously. Know that I want to provide financially for our family. I look forward to the birth of our children, to watching them grow and to instilling in them a deep love for our Catholic Faith.

I know that you'll accept your role as wife and mother just as seriously. Although a career may be important to you, I know you'll put it aside when our children are small and especially need your loving attention. Neither of us want somebody else raising our children and imparting values we don't embrace.

No matter how hard we try or how well we prepare, certainly we'll make mistakes. I can't think of anything more essential to marriage than forgiveness. We must always remember that Jesus forgives sins. As he was dying in
agony upon the cross, He forgave His executioners and the repentant criminal hanging on the cross to His right (Luke 23:40-43). We must ask forgiveness from Jesus in the confessional. We must also ask each other for for-giveness. Since Jesus forgives our sins, certainly we must imitate Him and forgive each other.

I love you, Darling. Wait patiently for me.

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church. He gave himself up for her to make her holy...Husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." (Ephesians 5:25-26,28)